Adam Flood: This is going to sound really horrible and hostile, but I’ve got a question from my flatmate Sue "Why did you bastards steal Jan?" What happened to Compulsion?
We watch the first two bands on tonight from backstage. Southpaw I think must be local, and might be worth watching in the future as they aren’t entirely bad, and unlike a lot of local bands, don’t drown in covers or rehash chart hits.
Adam Lee (Vocals): Answer that one Dave.
Dave McQueen (Bass): Yeah you bastards!
Bill McQueen (Guitar): Yeah!
Jan Alkelma (Drums): Compulsion finished January this year, the record company went bust, so we decided we couldn’t take any more shit. Next thing I know I get a phone call from these lovely chaps, and they say "would you possibly be interested?"
AL: And you went "No fuck off" took us ages to talk him into it.
JA: All of ten seconds. So yeah, I was snatched from the dole queue, to come and hit things in a live capacity. So that’s why, it’s not really their fault at all, it’s just market forces. No one wanted Compulsion.
BM: Supply and demand.
JA: Yeah it is. One minute you’re, er, next thing you know you’re last years haircut. Last year’s hair colour.
Al: Orange!
JA: Orange is dead, apart from the Dutch football team. Sorry flatmate, sorry Sue. It was beyond our control. Is she going to come tonight?
AF: No she can’t make it tonight.
AL: Oh for God sake! He’s not sorry at all
JA: What’s she doing on a Sunday night? I take it all back! It’s exactly that kind of attitude…(laughter follows)
AL: Question 2!
AF: I’ve seen some of the footage of the "Can’t Stop These Things" video, experiments were done on you during that weren’t they?
DM: Christ they wrapped us up in that thing,
BM: He’s still got the limp, after having his feet tickled...
DM: They wrapped us up in this cocoon thing, they said it would only be for a few minutes, it was about half an hour, fucking boiling hot, me balls were like up here somewhere.
AL: How do you think I felt when I did the Album cover, having bits of glass stuck onto me hair. Hot glue gun. "Won’t hurt." Take it right off mind.
AF: Didn’t they have to re-shoot some of the video? Wasn’t a lot of it cut out?
BM: Loads cut out.
DM: Loads of syringes in it, stuff like that.
AL: Chart Show were going, "We can’t play that".
DM: Encourage drug abuse.
AL: Played Michael Jackson’s video, so why can’t they play our video?
AF: Do you believe in censorship?
AL: Do I believe in censorship? Depends upon what capacity, if it’s someone being ruthlessly mutilated, or abused, then probably, yeah. I do agree with it, but people should know that it goes on, it’s a very dodgy area really. I wouldn’t particularly want to see anything like that, I’ve got enough bad images in me head already.
AF: You got "Worm of the Week" on the breakfast show a few months ago, with "Fiction of Life"…
AL: Cost us millions that you know, skint now. That was excellent, I remember phoning him up in the morning at like twenty past eight and going, "Dave, Dave, there’s a grown bloke on the radio screaming his nuts off at eight O’clock in the morning!" and he’s going "I know, it’s you!"
AF: Do you like the new breakfast show?
AL: I’ve never listened to it, I’m never up that early. Breakfast show to me is Neighbours, second time round, like half-five.
(A strange man approaches, carrying a lump off cheese)
BM: Mark Radcliffe wanted to do a session with us about three-four years ago.
DM: But we turned him down, y’know?
BM: We couldn’t do it as we were on tour with Leatherface at the time. So it probably all came back to that, must’ve picked up on it. We’re really pleased about it.
DM: Spoke to the Producer didn’t we, at Phoenix.
BM: Played football for Radio 1 at the Phoenix festival.
DM: And he said it was real borderline, it was far too balls out for the radio, and he went "argh, mmm, ergh, bugger let’s play it!"
AF: Do you think there should be more Punk on the radio?
AL: There should be more freedom on the radio, there shouldn’t be all this piddy hurdy-gurdy and all that malarkey (slips into Irish accent). I think we should have a lot more variety. Radio 1’s gone downhill a bit at the minute, Virgin’s taken over the coolness of it. Radio 1 used to be really cool. I don’t know what they’ve done though, and why it’s happened.
BM: Too much talking, and not enough playing records. They shouldn’t bullshit on for five minutes, when they could have played two records, you know?
JA: Is it XFM who play about four times as many records in an hour?
BM: It’s more like "I’m the DJ, I’m also a comedian as well, and I want to further my career through radio, and I might play his record at the same time."
AL: If you’re lucky, I might play a record, while I talk about myself all the time.
BM: What the country needs is a radio station that just plays record after record, without any shit in-between.
AF: Do you think there’s a sort of Newcastle – NorthEast Punk Rock thing?
DM: No, not unless we’re the scene.
AL: Mind you, we haven’t been there for ages. There probably is, but we don’t know what’s been going on.
BM: There’s a few bands from the town, but they don’t like, do what we do you know?
DM: There’s no venues either in Newcastle.
BM: There’s more of a Sunderland thing, with Kenickie and Leatherface. But Newcastle is not…
AL: How dare you say Kenickie and then Leatherface after them. Just leave Kenickie out of it completely.
AF: The new album, Self Made Maniac, get the plug in, what is the relevance of the title, I realise it’s a lyric in "Fiction of Life".
AL: To the song or the album?
AF: Either.
AL: Well to the song, it’s in Fiction of Life. Basically that song is written about a kid who committed suicide, we went to school with him, and stuff like that. Didn’t know him that well, he was a normal kid you know, but he realised that things weren’t as they seemed in the real world, and he committed suicide, couldn’t cope with it. He obviously became a self made maniac, because he found out about the whole truths about things. Santa Claus doesn’t exist is one of them. Sorry Jan, I had to break it to you, gently, in a Church.
JA: Where are my presents going to come from this year?
(Comedy knife routine follows with Dave, who pretends to be schizophrenic)
AF: How did you record the Album, did you do things all in one take, or did you multi-track things?
AL: Yeah we laid everything down and got it sounding brilliant.
BM: Loads of people say "Oh we just put it down live you know?" But it’s bollocks, all bands multi-track. Even live albums.
(Dave now tells me that the only thing recorded live is the hi-hat, and has a poke at Thin Lizzy’s Live and Dangerous album.)
AF: Which of you is going to play drums on the next Album?
AL: Flip a coin?
JA: Yeah. Can I sing a bit, if you win?
BM: Heads or tails
AL: Heads it’s my choice.
(The coin comes up tails)
JA: We’ll see.
AL: I’m not a gambling man. We’ll have a fight in a minute.
JA: See who can play fastest, loudest. Stupid competitions. Your left hand, my right hand. Good question. We’ve done that before.
BM: Superbly dodged.
(They argue again, and finally settle, possibly, on Jan doing the drums)
AF: I heard something about you re-heating pizzas in hotel trouser presses…
JA: The Corby trouser press incident. It’s the only way you can reheat anything, any food at all, doesn’t have to be a pizza, but if it’s flat it shuts easier.
BM: Was that in a Travel Lodge?
JA: Yeah. Not only do I play the drums, but I do catering as well. But you must remember to take your trousers out first, before you insert your pizza.
(China Drum now discuss whether they really have been given cheese and bread to eat. The strange man re-enters, and gives them a pepper. They offer us sandwiches, we pass).
AF: Are Groop Dogdrill as crazy as I’ve heard?
BM: He weed his pants last night.
AL: Did he?
BM: So that’s pretty crazy I suppose.
AL: What a crazy rock’n’roller he was, he weed his pants. I hope it wasn’t in our van.
BM: No he got back to the hotel, and everyone had gone to bed, apart from him, so he went back to the bar, and got so pissed he pissed his pants in bed. We’ve only known them for two days, but on that performance, they must be.
JA: But not as crazy as…No, we won’t mention that.
AL: No, we won’t.
AF: Who comes up with the cover version ideas, like Wuthering Heights?
JA: Kate Bush.
AL: She needed the money, so she asked us if we would do it. No she didn’t. I couldn’t carry on anymore. All I had running round my head was "You lying bastard, you lying little shit!" Bill came out of the shed with it.
BM: It’ll haunt us for the rest of me life.
AL: I know it will, cos’ I’m going to follow you forever. But not only in this life, but the next one afterwards. I’m gonna chase you round going "Heathcliff…"
DM: You’d be a dog going (makes howling noises) which would translate to "Heathcliff it’s me…"
AL: I’ll come back as a poodle.
DM: If poetic justice was served heavy metal bands would come back as poodles.
AL: Bill came out of the shed with it, with an acoustic guitar playing it. We thought it would be good if we could put it together, and see if we could do it. It’s a really hard song to learn.
AF: You used to practice to a load of farm animals didn’t you?
AL: Still do yeah.
AF: Do you reckon any of them will turn up tonight?
AL: Most of them have died. They’re actually animals that have been rescued from going to the slaughterhouse. Me Mum and Dad are a couple of soft shites basically, and they just save animals from being made into dogfood. I had two Donkeys, but now I’ve only got one, cos’ one died, but at least she died of old age, and not being put into a tin can as dogfood. There’s one donkey left, but there’s only one donkey left and a cat, and that’s about it. They stand outside the shed going "For fuck sake, get a top 40!"
BM: "You’ll never get a top 40 with that shite!"
AL: They’re hoping we get a top 40 so we get away from the shed, but we’ll still be there anyway, so it doesn’t matter.
DM: "Can you not have a global hit like that Nae Doubt band?"
AL: Didn’t Rabbit On by Nae Doubt. Nae doubt about it man.
(They carry on making sandwiches, and stick a lump of butter to the ceiling before soundchecking.)
Groop Dogdrill are scary. They autographed my CD single of Lovely Skin, which they play tonight, but leave the message on it "Hey Gary, Leave those kids alone." Songs are blasted out, by the quiffed tattooed three piece, and the singer, Pete Spiby, Gaffa tapes a microphone to his face for one song. They finish with the eardrum shattering Oily Rag.
Jan fits into China Drum perfectly, it’s almost impossible to imagine the band without him. Songs of the new album, and debut "Goosefair" sound excellent. Dave’s bass breaks halfway through the gig, and it takes a while to sort out a spare. Jan’s snare also breaks later on. Tonight is not the night for technical smooth running. Fiction of Life, 60 Seconds and Can’t Stop These Things are hard to choose highlights in a dazzling set. Dave passes his bass to Ermintrude (male guitar technician, dressed up as scoutmaster, don’t ask) and dives into the crowd for final number – Wuthering Heights. The crowd go mental, and people start to stage dive. Security drag people off, and almost throw Dave off too. In the "dressing room" we express our opinions about how wonderful we all think security are…
This band are well worth seeing, this is punk pop at it’s finest. The venue isn’t even full and the place is crazy. Ash and Symposium are playing this place in a couple of weeks time…I can’t wait!
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